Crying at work

Today I locked myself into the one person female stall at work (i am working with 80% males so we girls don't have a lot of bathroom options) and just let myself get upset. Upset at (in no order): myself; why is this so hard for me? I don't act like it is in training but when i get back to the hotel i feel so overwhelmed I want to scream. work; being so complicated with so many different systems and computer engines and two giant binders to learn and a million other things i feel my brain is gonna shit out my butt with all this knowledge. lonely; i have no girlfriends up here and i can't relate to the girls i work with yet since they all have their own cliques and groups that I haven't been allowed to be apart of yet. ex back home; there is nothing in the world more annoying then someone calling you and texting you a million times a day when you are working 10 hour days in training then taking your work home with you and dealing with neediness. I hate neediness. Then booking a flight out here at the end of the month when you aren't even settled and you broke up. If a girl did this she would be labeled a psycho but a guy is totally different and its so unfair. I JUST FOUND A PLACE TO LIVE YESTERDAY AND YOU ARE ALREADY TRYING TO VISIT ME. Stop it. Everyday I make the 15 minute walk home i think about just changing my phone number/deleting my FB as I read the hateful/angry/etc texts and voice mails. I just dont have the energy. The work ethic here is extreme and competitive. It leaves me ZERO effort to make small talk or B.S. conversation at all times. I don't think i should have to apologize for that. My one good part of the day is my cleaning lady Zaleena, who leaves me little notes everyday. Whats even better is though I'm here alone and my dresses and makeup and shoes and purses are all over the room, she still addresses me as both Mr. and Mrs. I hope she thinks im a man (and or) the man I am with dresses like a woman as well. Ah well. White people problems. i mean avalon problems.